Writing and redrafting.

As part of my third week of my Starting Writing Fiction course, one of the activities involves reading over one of my drafted paragraphs and redrafting. I had to think about what could be improved and work on my descriptions to make them less predictable and cliche. As my drafted paragraph is of the  had to be a little tongue in cheek. Here is my improved paragraph:

When I look back at that moment now, I can see that I had panicked. As I bobbed up and down with the rhythm of the water, clinging uneasily to the life belt that had been tossed overboard to me, I cursed at my sheer stupidity. I suppose that one day this would be and event to laugh about but as I kicked my legs, thrashing about like a child in a bubble bath, just trying to stay afloat in the tepid, salty water of the Mediterranean, I can assure you that I was not in jovial spirits. 

Until this unlikely turn of events, I had been having a splendid holiday. A week in the sun with my eldest brother was just the ticket I needed after an unforgiving summer of exams and relentless assignments. Ironically, it had been my suggestion to spend the day at sea; there was a flyer in the lobby of our hotel advertising glass-bottom boats departing throughout the morning from the golden coastline. Once aboard, with the ocean spray hitting our burnt, freckled faces I had forgotten about the workload of home and felt alive. It was during the lunchtime barbecue on the vessel that the day had taken a turn for the worst; we were sitting, burger in hand, staring through the glass floor at the peculiar fish when I heard a familiar voice.

The voice was shrill and it pierced the air like a scalpel in an operating theatre, the hairs in my arms stood to attention as the drunken lady headed closer. It was my chemistry teacher. I could barely comprehend my misfortune; Mrs sharp, drunk. Me, petrified.

I cannot describe precisely what happened next, but I know that I freaked out. I leapt to the deck, stripped to my underpants and belly-flopped into the water. In hindsight, this was a move that I deeply regretted.

Although this is not my current novel that I am eking on, these exercises are great at improving my writing and I am hoping that with a few tweaks my writing will be on the right path to publication!

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