Summer Writing Challenge

Wow, it has been a while since my last post!

I have decided to set myself a writing challenge to keep me entertained through my - much needed - summer break; I will aim to complete regular writing tasks in a range of different styles to inform and entertain and to build my writing portfolio up.

So here it goes... my first task:

Please be aware that the following is completely fictitious based on the task set and is in no way related to personal experiences!

Write about how shallow people try to create an aura of authenticity by consuming books, films and food, and befriending other, actually authentic people.

Of all the types of people in the world, perhaps the most tragic personalities are those with very little, or no, personality at all. They may appear in any town, city or country around the world and may, upon the surface, appear to be alluring; they may be beautiful, they may be grotesque, but the sad truth for these individuals is that there is nothing more to them than meets the eye.

Imagine a deep ocean, a mysterious place with a broad spectrum of colours and interesting life-forms that may not have even been discovered yet… there are people of this ilk, they are the ones who have unusual hobbies, perhaps enjoy creative past-times, a conversation with them is to explore a new way of thinking, to set out on an adventure into the great unknown – all this before you even finished the first round of drinks. But the real focus here is not on those who are vast, mesmerising seas; we are thinking more of those souls who may be likened to a puddle. Not even, to a puddle of a murky nature, nor one with hidden depths, these people bare more semblance to a mere slim covering of water on a single-tone tarmacked slab, without so much as a bug floating on the surface. Of course, when it all boils down to it, these dull, non-entities are more commonly referred to by their ‘street name’ - shallow people.

Shallow people – regardless of appearance, location or a number of other demographics – are often acutely aware of their lack of depth and rather than accepting that their personality is, in fact, akin to a lampshade, they spend their lives striving to convince others of their authenticity. It may be noted, that this has a success rate of nil.

Upon acknowledging that they are indeed boring, a shallow individual may begin collecting interesting articles or stories with which to surround themselves – they may feel the necessity of dropping these adopted interests into conversations. As you peruse the olive selection at your Great Aunt’s funeral buffet, they may be hit by a bolt of utter devotion to discussing the works of Shakespeare, aviary birds or model railways. Be not fooled by this sudden mention of such fascinating topics – this is merely a Wikipedia-research exercise into ‘being interesting’ and should perhaps come with a warning label for those who end up drawn, unwillingly, into asking questions such as, ‘how often should one feed a lesser-spotted-blue-with-pink-polka-dots canary?’ and ‘how do you feel about the indirect way that the emotions of the main characters were portrayed in line 382 of that particular sonnet?’

Alas, one should also be aware of the more complex – yet shockingly ineffective – method that shallow people may adopt in their mission to appear authentic; once in a while an individual who has recognised as possessing a personality that is somewhat lacking, will come across someone who they deem to be wonderful, the very essence of excitement that one may get from a conversation with such a deep person is enough to send those of a shallow disposition into a cold sweat. Once this sense of awe has struck this cardboard-persona, they begin to realise that, although their conversations would be dull enough to send a pigeon into a coma, they could use the worldly knowledge and magnetising attitude of Mr or Mrs Deep-Thinker to allow themselves to appear authentic. One can recognise this disingenuous technique by being alert to a simple social cue; look out for the person who stands in a group collective agreeing to whatever is being said: ‘And so I told the Tsar that the peppermint green tea was in fact majorly superior to the rooibos and eventually he agreed!’ ‘Yes, me too. Oh yes, why of course, peppermint green tea is the bomb!’ – Whilst self-congratulating themselves on thinking ‘what a pretentious way to pronounce ‘red’ and ‘bush’.

And so, if you have sat reading this, making occasional murmurs of ‘hmm’, ‘golly, yes that’s most accurate’ and ‘yes, that sounds just like <insert name here> – for we all know that a shallow person would not be reading this in the first place, of course, why would they when you could be reading this on their behalf? Perhaps it would be most kind to pass on some valuable advice to your unfortunate acquaintance, pass on some words of wisdom to the candle that never met the flame, the picnic that forgot the sandwiches and the pen with no ink. Encourage the simple soul to take on a genuine new hobby to improve their self-worth – perhaps Tiddlywinks or watching GIFs online – and send them on their journey into authenticity.